OMG WTF G.W.SHARKS LOLZ

So my brother’s leaving for Illinois, right. So after drinking a 140$$ bottle of champagne, we of course, watched shark week. I mean what else??

And I leaned a few things about great whites. I’m a lot LIKE a great white. I’m vicious and weigh 1,000 pounds, ya kno?

okay just kidding. But I watched these great white sharks go on a feeding FRENZYYYYY cause this dead whale showed up on some beach then they towed it out to seal (or something) island, then all these sharks came and started tearing into the 12,000 pound whale. SO APPARENTLY sharks have “the itis” too!!! After eating a whole bunch, they get

kinda lazy, almost disoriented, and start swimming around all zig zag and drunk, AND (this is the best part) they all get horny!!! Cause they are all in such “close quarters” with both males and females and they’re basically drunk off fatass whale blubber, that they wanna DO EACHOTHER! It’s so sweet! They kind of sound like STUPID COLLEGE STUDENTS… HMM maybe I’ve discovered some shark secret. Or maybe those were just “college aged” sharks.

I wish I was a great white shark. Maybe one day when I’m

rich, I’ll buy one and keep it, like a pet that everyone is terrified of. Like my rats.

Or MAYBE… just MAYBE I’ve had one too many glasses of wine.

**bougie champagne