DOUCHE BAGS

Dearest new neighbors at 82whatever abingdon st,
YOUR HOUSE IS NOT A FUCKING FRAT HOUSE. you have only been living here for about 2 weeks and have had a party every friday and saturday, leaving beer bottles basically in the fucking street, and during the day you unemployed JMU alumni sluts sit outside in the front yard sunbathing for your 80+ year old neighbors to see. i guess you wouldn't know your neighbors cause though you won't take the time to get to know them because you're rude cunts.
When i come home from work after a boring shift on a saturday, the last thing i want to come home to is a street parked full of SUVs making it impossible to get a decent parking spot infront of my own home. Also, i do not want to hear obnoxious drunk girls screaming and giggling when i sit on my fucking porch. You probably have shitty music playing too, kenny chesney, or dave matthews. ~~omg~~ well PRAIIISE the fucking LORD i can't hear that!
so new neigbors, as much as you want Mr. Settler (R.I.P) and Ms. Joanna's cute old house to become the Arlington Mecca for post-undergrad TRASH, please learn some fucking CLASS. and that means a lot coming from ME. okay? jesus christ. i might print this and leave it in your mailbox. or print like 100 and then thrown them all over your front yard. as a reminder to clean up SHITTY beer bottles strewn all over your front yard. you know, the side that FACES THE STREET. AND YOUR NEIGHBORS SEE. jesus.
sincerely,
from your (younger, hotter, and more intelligent) neighbor
- Stephanie Diana Paredes Mora

god. white people have no shame